Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
未免太多了吧
小bug：老爹受了贯穿伤，还能爬到吊床
最后半小时可太爽了。。。节能车那个梗太好笑了。
个人评分7分（主观影评、不喜勿喷）
太好笑了哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！伤口撒盐，信号枪，好几个地方都笑死，老爷子那段也挺有意思。和婚姻关系部分也结合的挺好的。很有意思。
老头子出场最搞笑但他也便当的太快了点，船在水里转圈还挺美。
三星半，维尔科拉截至目前巅峰作还是《死亡之雪2》，有那种精品b级片在前，之后这两部都显得有点下滑，不过还是有内味儿
酸爽扯淡型电影，小反转一个接着一个，能看得出，这个剧本似乎跟变形金刚女主角新片基本类似，缺点也基本类似，该不会就是改编的好莱坞大片，就是那个吧？岂不是套中套中套？
血腥程度让我想起了《双宝斗恶魔》那时的血腥冲击程度跟这差不多 并且那部电影里恰好也是发生在山间小木屋 种种意外 种种反转 所以总觉得看到了那部电影的影子
能大致通过科尔曼的表演理解到角色（母体）难以表露的情绪，但这个故事奇怪的总觉得很小，与篇幅难以自恰的自我陶醉。
有些我非常非常喜欢的细节。但总体拍得太美国了，就对“有的女的居然不想当妈也不enjoy motherhood” 还是带着震惊感在讲，最后还要莫名其妙搞个语焉不详的和解。剧情高点那场戏达妹没演好。三颗星全给 Olivia Colman
背包客们是逃走的丈夫和情妇，把三个孩子交给无辜的妻子 ，她谴责他们后又变成他们
感谢写出这么有趣台词的编剧 以及同样有趣的翻译者
有些我非常非常喜欢的细节。但总体拍得太美国了，就对“有的女的居然不想当妈也不enjoy motherhood” 还是带着震惊感在讲，最后还要莫名其妙搞个语焉不详的和解。剧情高点那场戏达妹没演好。三颗星全给 Olivia Colman
好在男女主的婚姻故事线是完整的，不然这个片子真的是屎尿屁加血浆，没比王晶的片子好到哪里去。三个蠢贼出现之前的节奏太缓慢，拍得也太无趣了，要不是豆瓣7.5的评分真的是坚持不下去。几处伤口撒盐、战斗老父亲、屎尿屁等小处理有点趣味性，其他的真是乏善可陈。
这是一部值得多看几遍的电影，看一遍是绝对不够的。
哈哈最后问了一句 你是怎么把桌球藏起来的 而且还是三个
后半段太残忍血腥了，也太假了，他们俩个普通百姓就能制服三名职业罪犯？已经被打的只差一口气了，满血复活？他爸像个2B一样就冲来了？毫无铺垫。
内战内行外战外行的低配版史密斯夫妇+邪恶版逃狱三王。前期夫妻内斗各显神通，后段御外居然既不捡枪、也不补刀，随手还把刀子扔了？！完全靠节奏取胜的反杀动作片，剪辑配乐亦功不可没。婚姻那些事结合得不错可堪加分。三星半。
惊喜制作。结尾完美谎言致富还能调侃老美政治正确的风气。以为是喜剧片没想到是血腥暴力片。
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